Saturday, June 8, 2013

Conflict Resolution



Conflict can happen every day, at any time, at any place, on every people.  I have been encountering a lot of conflicts, particularly in the work place, when there are disputes in goals, beliefs, and ideas.

Recently, a staff had a conflict with me in terms of what resources should be used for our kitchen.  For example, I told him that we needed to get a larger volume of cooking oil, as we consume a lot of it every day in our cooking for children and staff.  But, he told me that the supplier did not have the supply of the larger quantity.  I then asked him to look for other suppliers who could supply a larger volume of cooking oil.  And I told him that I had been telling him about this for a couple of times.  This issue has not been rectified at once and left unattended.  After hearing what I had just said, he was provoked and got upset.  He angrily told me that he has been working very hard for the center, but was not appreciated and valued by me, who was his supervisor.  He felt that he did not feel happy working in this center and was displeased of the working system here.  I then sarcastically told him that he could quit if he felt this was not the right place for him to work.  I guess my statement inflamed his outrage and anger.  He then shouted at me, “I quit!!” and walked off. 

Having studied this week lesson, and when I recall the conflict I had with my staff, I realized that my communication with the staff had some violent contents, such as being judgmental and condemning.  Nonviolent Communication teaches that we should be empathically listening and honestly expressing as we communicate with others.  Nonviolent communication is not about getting others to do what we demand.  It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving and receiving.  This will be a powerful strategy to prevent latent tension to develop into overt conflict! 

Another strategy I have learned that might help me to manage the conflict is to use Conflict Resolution Skills, being proposed by Conflict Resolution Network (n.d.).  For example, win-win approach, one of the Conflict Resolution Skills, is a skill that to make both parties in communication to be winners—I want to win and I want you to win too.  This strategy brings both parties to go back to the underlying needs, with recognition of individual differences.  The most of all, this strategy helps to attack the problems, not the people.  Hence, I believe if I use the win-win approach with my staff, he would not experience the separateness, disconnectedness, or being denied by me and others.  Rather, he would sense togetherness and willingly to work out solution for mutual gain. 

Reference
Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3

1 comment:

  1. Wong,
    I think we become involved in many conflict situations ever day that it is hard not to become judgmental or condemning. Practicing NVC skill can definitely help us become more successful in communication process.

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